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“I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen

In part one of this series I shared about my father’s death. The denial I had because I didn’t want to face the truth. As it has been said, in one way or another, the truth hurts, but the truth will set you free.

If you recall, my wife, kids, and I moved to Idaho. Being away physically from my dad and his aging and declining health allowed me to be away mentally as well. Not to mention emotionally and spiritually. I was able to strengthen my denial. Because I didn’t see him aging, I didn’t have to believe it. Or have to even think about it for that matter; out of sight out of mind, just like a child who covers his eye and believes…I can’t see you so you can’t see me. Oh, how wonderful that would be, wouldn’t it. But, again, just because I deny it, doesn’t mean it isn’t so.

As you can imagine, at some point I had to get real. I had to face the fact that my dad was not well. The process began the weekend before Thanksgiving (2018). My parents and oldest sister were coming out for the holiday. My dad called me the weekend before to let me know he couldn’t make it. He told me that he was sick.

I immediately felt angry, although I didn’t express that. I was pissed. I thought he was just scared. The reality was, he really was sick. The next weekend he ended up the hospital, then a nursing home, then back to the hospital.

Christmas had quickly come and gone. I was here. They were there. And still, it isn’t that bad, I thought. Of course, I kept in touch with my mom for updates. And, of course I didn’t call enough. Why? Because the more I know the less I could deny.

My wife was urging me to book my visit to see him. I kept putting it off, but booked it for a few weeks out. The time leading up to my departure was torture. Fear and anxiety consumed me. I shut it down, stuffed it down, like a good denier.

Then, all my fears were settled when my mom shared some encouraging news…Ahhh, now I could just relax and actually look forward to the trip…

Until…

My mom called a few days later and the said I should change my flight and come sooner! What the heck?  Why?  He’s fine right? He’s going be ok right? I mean the doctor said he’s getting better. He even provided a potential release date.

To avoid rambling for too long, instead of ignoring the suggestion and saying I couldn’t afford to change my flight, I just did it. And there was no more denial. The truth was the truth. Reality was reality. The facts were the facts. Nothing changes that but my own perception and mental manipulation. I can tell myself whatever I want, but again, it doesn’t make it so.

So, I accepted the fact that my dad cannot and will not live forever. I accepted the reality of his condition and I was able to hold his has hand and kiss his forehead. Stroke his hair, and share what need to be shared. To be clear in heart, mind, and soul and have nothing left unsaid or asked. I was able to simply be there with my sisters and my mom In joy and sorrow but present with no regrets and be the son he raised me to be and hold his hand as he transitioned from here to there.

The truth did hurt…
But it set us free…

Talk Soon,
Kevin W @LEAP272
Owner-Operator

You have to leap if you want to live

It has now been 1 year. I am amazed at how fast times goes by and how slow the heart can be to heal. I started writing this the day my dad died to help process and document what I was experiencing. I wasn’t sure if I would ever publicly share it but this might help the healing; my own and maybe a random viewer experiencing the same. Miss you dad…

“I had a dad
Big and strong
I turned around
I found my daddy gone

He was the one
Made me what I am today
It’s up to me now
My daddy has gone away

– Perry Farrell, Janes Addiction

And then, reality set it.
It’s over, done.
My fear turned reality.
My head pounding…
My throat constricting…
My stomach churning…
My eyes swelling…
My skin burning…
My heart aching…
My mind disbelieving…
My Dad has died.

Just because I deny it, doesn’t mean it ain’t so. “Ain’t ain’t a word” my dead grandmothers words race through my head. I can tuck everything away in the darkest corners of my mind; Safe and protected, trapped under lock and key in my mind.

Scattered thoughts and random memories.
Like those of my dead grandmother.
Tools to protect the buried reality I don’t want to face.

The mind is so powerful. We have the power to make things disappear as if they never happened. We don’t like something? Shuttle it down to the depth of the forgotten corners of our mind.

Starting to sound familiar? It should, I used the same intro on another post. No, I’m not being lazy, it just fit so well. The other series was all about denial. Denial in all areas, not just a specific situation like this. This series, as I am sure you gather from the title, is about my dad.

I am writing this in the midst of it all; the grieving, the learning, the mourning, the acceptance, the sadness, the memories, all of it. It’s written from the raw emotions and unfiltered thoughts. It is all that I have and am experiencing as I walk through this. As I crawl through this and try to make sense of it all. To find the lessons, find the gratitude, find the silver linings. I try hard because the reality is I’d rather curl up in a ball, and just escape it all.

I write instead because I know better. I know to bury this deep and let it steep would poison my soul. Worst yet, it would torture my father’s soul who has earned his freedom from this life. That I could not… That I cannot bear.

So, I must face the fact, accept the truth. I’ve always been told, “You don’t have to like the truth.” I don’t, I don’t at all. I hate the truth in this moment…

I don’t want to had a dad…
I want to have a dad.

Talk Soon,
Kevin W @LEAP272
Owner-Operator

You have to leap if you want to live

“…Come from a place of authenticity because you can’t fake hope” – John C Maxwell

Entrepreneurs and business owners are leaders whether they want to be or not. I have always had that entrepreneurial spirit and always wanted to have my own business. When I envisioned that, I never really considered myself being a leader. Nor did I have any idea that I would have to be. For whatever reason, I just didn’t make the connection. Until, I had employees.

The moment you have employees you become a leader. Many things became clear for me once that happened. The first thing that became very clear was that, as a leader, I am going to have to do and say hard things. I don’t particularly like doing that because I am not a big fan of friction. I always want to be the good guy or the hero. I want to be the good boss that everyone likes. Perhaps that is why I never associated being a business owner with being a leader. The second idea that became clear was that just because I am a leader doesn’t mean I am a good leader. I was not naturally a good leader. I just didn’t know how to be one, which brings me the third lesson: I had to learn to become a good leader.

I have heard many times in my life the term “natural born leader”. I am sure there are many people that have great leadership instincts. I might have some as well. I believe, however, that great, even good leaders are created. They learn and evolve.

Another great lesson that I have learned is that you can’t teach or give anything that you do not have or believe in. John C Maxwell speaks of hope in the opening quote that I read in his book Leadershift. It applies to everything, not just hope. You must be authentic in your life and especially your leadership if you are in such a position. No one benefits from a leader that leads from false beliefs. Everyone loses in the end.

It is easy to be real when things are good. Up times are easy to talk about and enjoy. It’s when things are down that we must dig deep to speak the truth and tell it like it is. We must have the hard conversations, ask the hard questions, and make the hard decisions. As the quote suggests, you can’t be hopeful when there is no hope. So, if you truly believe there is light at the end of the tunnel, you must foster that hope and lead with it while sharing the hard reality of the current situation. And if you do not see the light you must share the secret and do what is necessary to find it.

I have had to sit on both sides of the table during my career. I have listened to CEOs and CFOs share the brutal truth of the dark days to come and I have had to be the one telling the employees that I do not see the light at the end of this tunnel and was unable to tell my crew that the end of the hard time is near because I truly didn’t know. There were times when I thought the end of the business was more visible then the end of the downward spiral we found ourselves riding. It is no easy task to look a dedicated, hard working employee in the eye and say we have to cut hours in half or even worse that we have to let you go.

A true leader can do this with integrity, honesty, and compassion. The truth must be told and the leader must be responsible for delivering it. Creating false hope by sugar coating reality does more damage in the end. Of course, as a leader there are always some things better left unsaid but the point is not say everything is fine when the ship is definitely sinking. This builds trust and true followers that will follow and respect the path laid out. They might not always like it but they will accept it and walk behind you.

That is what creates a great leader and greater followers because a leader is only as good as his or her followers. I am far from a great leader but try to become better as each opportunity is presented.  I know if am authentic, the odds are already stacked in my favor.

Talk Soon,
Kevin W. @Leap272
Owner-Operator

You have to leap if you want to live.

“Character is the ability to carry out a good resolution long after the excitement of the moment has passed.” – Cavett Robert

Happy New Year! Happy New Decade! 2020! WOW!

Congratulations! You made it! It is now after mid night and a new year has sprouted launching into a new decade, and this will be the best one yet, right?

I guess if it’s just after mid night the verdict is still out. We will have to revisit that question in a few months.

But a congratulation is still in order; you made through eleven parts of this series to get here! I thank you. Unless you started late, then I suggest going back and starting from part one. I am funny like that. I like order, continuation, continuity, congruency, etc, etc. I like things to flow and I like connection and relationship. That is why I like to write series works and read them as well.

If you like thrillers or crime novels these are my three favorite series right now…

Orphan X series by Gregg Hurwitz.
Quinn Colson series by Ace Atkins.
Bosch series by Michael Connelly.

But I degrees, or do I? My biggest resolution is to see how I can add value and to see how I can best serve and help others; in my family, friendships, businesses, and all throughout my life.

I do not want to segment, compartmentalize, or discriminate anymore. I have one life and I want to add value wherever I can, however I can. I believe that the more I can serve and help others the better I will become. That is why I am doing this. Yes, writing this and posting on my blog. This is how I get to live after mid night.

I do. And then I do it again. Because I hope, and believe, that this will add value to someone. Even if it’s only one person, I did it. I made a difference. And, if I keep at it and do it one more time. That one person will become two and two will become four and…you get the idea. The power of compounding will take over and the growth will be exponential. The impact will become exponential. Domination; just think of all that value added.

Maybe for that one person all I did was provide a reprieve, a momentary escape from their dreadful existence in a cubicle. They follow me and at some point they read something else of mine, maybe they read my story and discover their story. Maybe they read this entire series and become inspired and feel the motivation needed to make a change in their life. Maybe my article is simply a doorway they pass through, only to discover another book, article, influencer, coach, or mentor that becomes their catalyst for change.

How great is that? Just to simply be a part their journey and add value at one of their checkpoints…

It all starts somewhere, that somewhere, for me, is right here. The journey might have started years ago, but now it is time for another turn. It is time for the next leg. It is time to share the path that got me here and discover the new path together with each step I take. And, for some insurance, I spoke, I put out my intentions. Now I have my accountability partners…

You!

So, whether it’s January 1st or July 21^st, I continue on, do it one more time. When I feeling myself getting lazy and starting to let things slide and start falling away from me and what I doing, I can reach out to you for motivation, or…You call my bluff and pull my covers and I get back to the heaving lifting that got me here in the first place.

I remember that, together, we are creating a new order. Resolving to do and be better one day at a time. I don’t know exactly where this path will take me, but I know that it feels good, it feels right, and If I keep at it I can keep the dream living after midnight.

Talk Soon,
Kevin W @LEAP272
Owner-Operator

You have to leap if you want to live

“I think in terms of the day’s resolutions, not the years’.” –  Henry Moore

I do and I do and I do…
Nothing…
I read, I study, I post, I work, I create….
Nothing…
Day in and day out trudging on and on…
Nothing…
I suit up and show up, make the calls send the emails…
Nothing…
Until…

There’s something! The first yes! The first sale! The first dollar! The first whatever.

Hopefully it’s not the first celebration. If you are far enough in it where you are waiting for the first sale you should have had plenty of celebrations already. It’s very important to celebrate the “little things.”

The first viable idea, the business plan, the actual creation of the business, the firsts are endless and they all are deserving of celebration. Maybe pop the cork, toast to signify the start to long night, but a simple acknowledgment goes a long way. These little celebrations verify progress and serve as motivation to continue and persevere. They provide the needed strength to endure the doubt and down times.

I know, I know, you’ll celebrate later. There’s no time to celebrate right now. You’ve been taught to celebrate when you make it, when you succeed. You are on a mission, right? Then remember, it’s the journey, not the destination. It’s the actual mission, not the result.

So celebrate the small victories. The first pound loss, the first paying client, the first sale, the first mile ran, the first book read, or the first fill in the blank.

Then, celebrate the next pound lost, the next paying client, the next sale, the next mile ran, the next book read, and on and on.

I know this might go against what some influencers might say. Well known, very successful people. That is ok, I have studied many people that disagree with this opinion and that is fine too. There is not only one way, one formula, or one strategy, and there is NEVER only one opinion! You take what works from them (and me) and formulate what works for you. I simply believe that we, at least I, must celebrate the small victories. They are what motivate me to continue on the path keep on the mission.

I am not saying to get cocky and throw a party all the time. I am suggesting to realize them, enjoy them, acknowledge them as milestones, check points, and the successes that they are, and then continue on the path doing what got you to that checkpoint successfully.

Life happens in the moment. Success happens in the moment. Opportunity happens in the moment. So I say celebrate each victory because if you don’t and just keep your head down, focused on the end result you just might miss a lot of life. Not to mention opportunities to help you reach your goals.

I speak from experience. I spent every waking hour working on my first start up. I was completely obsessed. I immersed myself to the point that my life was completely unbalanced. This happens when you start a business, understood. However, I went to the extreme. The details are best left for another time, but I missed a lot of life, and I missed opportunities that could have help the business be a success. I missed milestones in the business, in my life, and my family’s life that I can’t get back.

Are we not making resolutions to change for the better? Are we not resolving to become better? Are we not trying to create a better tomorrow for ourselves, our family, and those around us and those that will come after us? Are we not doing this to enjoy life more???

Then why wait! Regardless of the “what” you are resolving to do or create. Whether it’s health, wellness, fitness, wealth, professional, business or whether it’s your mind, body, spirit you are trying to improve… Whatever bucket you toss your resolutions into; it’s a bucket you want to improve. It’s a area in your life you want to do better and be better.

You build that better tomorrow by doing the right thing today. Over and over and over again. Rinse & repeat, again and again. Keeping your eye on the prize but your focus on today and celebrating and enjoying the progress.

It’s ok to become unbalanced, unsettled, and un-this and un-that. You need to be hyper-focused, obsessed, and immersed in whatever it is you’re doing. But you need to be present!

How then can we do this and make those resolutions survive. How can they live after midnight once the clock ticks to 12Am January One XXXX???

Stay tuned for the final chapter as we start living after midnight…

Talk Soon,
Kevin W @LEAP272
Owner-Operator

You have to leap if you want to live

“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” – Dr. Seuss

Get up early again tomorrow. Do what worked yesterday. Read another book. Take another class. Write another article. Post another picture. Run another mile. Call another friend. Give a stranger a smile.

Whatever it is that you do. Whatever it is you resolved to do. Do it again today. Do it one more time today. Because whatever it is you want. Whatever it is you resolved to become. You become a little more by doing something more day by day.

Before spring has sprung most resolutions remain undone. A distant memory from years past, yet it’s only been a few weeks. How deep we can bury our aspirations? Then again, why should we? If all we must do, is the same thing one more, one day at a time, the why quite. Why do we always quite? It just takes one more time to succeed and become that which we resolved to become.

Well, then, one more time is not so bad. It’s only one more time. I can handle that, how about you? Remember, after sixty six one more times you just might have a new habit. Then you just do what you do, as it becomes part of your routine. You cross that finish line and move on to the next one.

What was your resolution? To lose some weight? To start exercising? To start eating healthier? Learn to cook and eat at home more? I hear those ones a lot.

How about any professional or spiritual resolutions? Have you decided to work more? Maybe work less and spend more time with the family? Go back to school and get that graduate degree?

How about to learn something completely new? Learn to paint, to write, play the piano, anything? How about volunteering? Or giving back in a different way?

Maybe you resolved to finally write that book or start that blog you have been talking about for years.

How about launching that business that has been renting that space in the corner of your mind for years? Well, maybe it’s time to start working on it.

Whatever it is you resolved to do. Whatever decisions you made to foster change and growth in your life in the coming year, remember, it doesn’t happen overnight. It doesn’t even happen in sixty six days, that’s just the formation of a new habit. It takes discipline, determination, and hard work (among other things), one day at a time.

You build your better tomorrow today by doing the right things one more time. Scary isn’t it? There is still time to quit before you start; it’s not two minutes to midnight yet.

Just kidding, stay tuned to learn more about building that tomorrow.

Talk Soon,
Kevin W @LEAP272
Owner-Operator

You have to leap if you want to live

“What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become achieving your goals.” – Goethe

Why do I stop short? Why do I give up? Why do doubt myself? Why do I care what you think? Why?…

Why am I up this early? Why do I do all this? Why do I keep trying? Why does this matter? Why?…

Why?…The million dollar question.

The previous articles touch on the first set of questions. Why I give up, stop short, etc. It’s just easier right? It’s takes little effort to stop short of your goals. But, it becomes harder to walk by a mirror.

Why? Because giving up is only easier in the moment, but, it is harder to live with as life goes on. Knowing you gave up before the finish line is hard to accept. Especially once you realize that it’s what you do; Again and again and again. It’s a pattern sustained by fear keeping you confined, trapped in your little box of whatever it is that you do. The box that is comfortable and familiar.

I could only live with myself like that for so long; the un-living. Day by day putting off what I really wanted because I was afraid to change and I was afraid to fail.

So, then why should one leave that comfort and take that risk? Because it is a false comfort that we manufacture to keep us safe and protected from failure and judgment. It is simply us trying to feel ok with it all and make it ok to not be who we are and what we are meant to be.

I believe we are all here for a reason. We all have a purpose. We do not always know what that purpose is, but we will never find out if we do not push ourselves. Push ourselves in the direction that our passion pulls us. Falling down and getting up yes, but continuing on and pushing through and not giving up.

We cross each finish line, motivating us to push onward to the next finish line. That is why! We finally realize that each finish line is just another point in time we thought was the end, but it’s just another checkpoint in the journey to find who we are.

We keep on doing it, one more time. So, come back one more time.

See you next time.

Talk Soon,
Kevin W @LEAP272
Owner-Operator

You have to leap if you want to live

“The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.” – Walt Disney

Here we go again. I feel it coming on. I see the signs. I hear the chatter upstairs. I start justifying this and rationalizing that. I stop doing the things that got me here. I’m slowing down, letting it slide. I’m giving up, bracing for the free fall. Back to the place I was before. Falling away from me.

Everybody falls, what’s important is getting back up. Getting off the downward spiral and moving forward again. Remember, the last couple parts of this series? The questions? How about the answers? That’s right! For me, I had to realize that I am not lazy, weak, and so on. But I can be and it takes a conscious effort be different and to break away from old patterns, habits, and beliefs.

But, as the quote suggests, the only way it’s going happen is by doing it. This guy created the most magical place on Earth. He has to know what he’s talking about!

For me, the key is focusing on progress. When I get too caught up on the end result and what I’m trying to accomplish I have less energy to focus on what’s right in front of me; the task at hand that gets me one step closer to that desired result.

Focusing on the finish line is overwhelming. It is hard to stay motivated if I am constantly focusing on the end. Progress happens in the moment with each forward step we take. Changes happens in the now when we show up and do the next right thing, not when we cross the finish line.

You know the saying, “it’s not destination, it’s the journey”? I have learned to keep my eye on the prize, with the destination in sight with my feet firmly planted on the ground and my mind focused on the moment. Doing this is hard, it takes practice and discipline. It does indeed take a conscious, concerted effort. Remember when I discussed what it takes to form a habit?

What helps me is to figure what I need to do to get from here to there, then breaking it up into reasonable, doable steps. I can digest that.

When I sense that laziness and self doubt creep in and I catch myself starting to let slide and fall away from me and what I am working toward, I stop, and focus on the one thing I need to do right now.

That’s it. One thing isn’t so bad. I can do one thing.

I don’t have to give up because I am still far from the finish line. I’ll get there when I get there doing one thing at a time. And, remember that you are going to fall again, just try to fall lighter each time and learn from every fall so each time the impact is less. Each time you get up, try to get further before you fall again.

Why?…
The ultimate question…
The original question…

And, it is a great question…which I’ll address next time…

Talk Soon,
Kevin W @LEAP272
Owner-Operator

You have to leap if you want to live

“The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity.” – Amelia Earhart

Welcome, thanks for coming back. Must not be the new years because you haven’t fallen off yet.

Last time I discussed how I can start to let things slide. I get closer to my goal, so I let up. I don’t see any progress, so I let up. A no win situation.

So why is that? Remember all the questions from the last part? Here they are so you they are fresh…

Am I not strong enough?
Am I not determined enough?
Am I not good enough?
Am I just average?
Am I just weak minded?
Am I just Lazy?

The first three questions are just my head doubting myself. They are questions that foster self limiting beliefs. Those are the thoughts that tell me I can’t do I and perpetuate the viscous cycle that continues the pattern, over and over. These are the negative thoughts that become beliefs and route themselves inside my internal operating system if I don’t fight them.

The last three are reaching for answers. Trying to discover a reason for my weaknesses and a way to explain why I stop short so often.

So, Am I average, weak-minded, and lazy? No, but I can be at times.

The answers can unlock the door to change that fosters growth and progress towards something bigger and better. I have to dig deep to find these answers that catalyze the internal change that will allow me to cross the finish line.

Yet they can also reinforce the pattern and become a crutch for self sabotage; simply a means to rationalize and justify our poor decisions and lack of action, that cause us to stop short over and over. They allow us to choose those decisions that keep us running in circles instead forward.

The reality is, I am not lazy, I simply choose to be sometimes. It is natural to be lazy, for me. It is natural to seek the path of less resistance. We like, water, like electricity, anything that moves and changes, seek the easiest, fastest way. Sometimes the mind says the easiest way is simply to quit and tell ourselves we are just not good or strong enough. You know the rest…

So why is that? Are we not strong enough or good enough? That is part of it. Yes, I just said that. Change is hard and it takes practice to establish a mindset and an operating system that can drive you through the hardest of the hard. Discipline, determination, and perseverance take effort, time and practice to develop. Changing our patterns is definitely not the path of least resistance, but the reward is worth it.

So get off your lazy ass and come back for part 8…

I will dive into how to trudge ahead when we start falling away…

Talk Soon,
Kevin W @LEAP272
Owner-Operator

You have to leap if you want to live

“My New Year’s resolution is to remember to cancel all those free trials I signed up for.”  – Anonymous

Do we really have to go? I’m only six weeks in and I’ve been so good. The food they cook is great, but the fat and calories! It will throw me off the rails!

Fine I’ll go, I’ll be strong. I’ll just eat the salad and drink water, no dessert. This will be fun!…

…These cookies are fantastic, can I have another…

Well, I think you ate the last one.

Or the last dozen! Can you relate to that? How about that opening quote? For me it’s a double edged sword. Damned if I do damned if I don’t. Let’s take the healthy eating and exercising resolution example. I can fall off either side. Why am I doing all this? Why and I getting up so early? Why do I work this hard? I don’t see any change. I’m out, done, maybe next year…

Or…

Hmm, I’m starting to look alright. I’m feeling pretty good. I’ve lost most of what I wanted. I have even gained a little muscle. Maybe I’ll just ease off the gas a bit. Hey, that cookie looks pretty good! One won’t kill me! Does it ever stop at one?

It can be so easy to just let it slide a bit. The rationalization and justification; my mind has become an expert, perfecting both the art and science of self deception, justification, and manipulation and I seem to I fall for it every time!

I can be moments from the finish line, just few more steps to completion. Just one more corner to turn and the end is in sight. But I turn the other way.

The last mile. The last 5 pounds. The last chapter. The last “fill in the blank” always seems to be the hardest. Always seems to go on forever. Always seems to, you get the idea.

Why do I do this? Why do I stop short so often? Am I not strong enough? Am I not determined enough? Am I not good enough? Am I not?…

Am I just average? Am I just weak minded? Am I just Lazy? Hmmm, maybe all the above. Maybe none of the above.

Stay tune for next time and I will answer those questions.

Talk Soon,
Kevin W @LEAP272
Owner-Operator

You have to leap if you want to live