I was always worried about what you thought. I was consumed by it, actually. Outwardly, I might have appeared quiet and mellow, but inside my mind was pegging the needle; thoughts racing faster than I could process and retain them.
My brain was always running on overdrive, working overtime to fuel the insanity caged inside. Between the day dreams, the illusions of grandeur, and the stranger than fiction scenarios I created, there was little time for quiet. Perhaps that is why I was/am so outwardly quiet; it’s hard to have two conversations at once and the one inside wins the majority of the time. It also might explain my love of loud music; to drown out the constant background noise. And so, the social distancing began.
I was born a Pisces, for that I had no control. What I did have control over was whether I put any thought into what that meant. To be honest, I really didn’t care, until I got older and the references and explanations for my personality and behavior began to compound. After so many times I thought, not out loud of course, “maybe there’s something to that.”
Don’t get the wrong impression here, I did not decide to become an astrologist or deeply study the zodiac, I simply did a little digging around. What I found was some brilliant descriptions of my personality. It offered a bit of understanding of me. It allowed me to accept that I like to walk around with my head in the clouds, that I am very in tune and sensitive to my surroundings, and that I would much rather play my guitar alone than hang out in a crowd and socialize.
There is so much that confirms there really is something to these astrological signs, but that is really not my thing. It makes sense, yes, but I am not a scholar of nor wish to write an article on the subject. Suffice it to say “if the shoe fits…”
The bottom line is that learning this information made me realize that I was not crazy, strange, or weird but I am simply a pensive Pisces. That explained a lot and offered some insight as to why I think so much. The trick was how I would crack the code to not think so much about what you think of me. The answer was I had to learn to accept myself and all my personality quirks, flaws, and imperfections. That led me to realize that I think you are judging me because I am judging you. The solution for this was the same; I had to learn to accept you as you are just as I did myself.
This allowed me to stop judging me, stop judging you, and learn to give no F#@k$.
Talk Soon,
Kevin W @LEAP272
Owner-Operator
You have to leap if you want to live
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