“Father of fathers, make me one,
A fit example for a son.”
–Douglas Malloch
The previous three parts of this series I focused on three different principles. Each part dedicated to one of the single principles; compassion, gratitude, and service. Are these the three greatest things my dad taught me? Are these the only things my dad taught me? Of course not.
I structured it like this and chose these topics for several reasons. First of all, they are universal principles. As I process the death of my dad it is important for me to reflect. It is important for me to really look at what he did for me. What he left for me. Not because I question him as a dad and what he did for me, but so I can understand the bigger picture, what he did do on a deeper level.
Perhaps it’s just some deep human need to answer the questions why and discover the reason things happen. Perhaps to try and make sense of it all because it helps ease the pain to realize that there is some deeper meaning for it all. Perhaps discovering the answer will make everything better and give more meaning and purpose to my life.
Secondly, as I alluded to in the beginning of this series my processing involved a lot of questions…
What is my role now?
What is my responsibility now?
Do I even have a responsibility?
Did his life prepare me for something bigger?
Did his life provide me with something to carry forward?
Did his passing place the torch in my hand?
Writing this series helped me to reflect on and answer some of these questions. So as I reflect and process I have to consider what his message was and what his purpose was. Outside of our family circle, I understand that he was simply a teacher and a messenger sharing a universal message of hope. He didn’t create the principle. He didn’t create the lessons he taught me. He just became an example how to apply them.
And finally, because these are three lessons I needed to learn. I have shared about my selfish, self-centered nature. These principles do not thrive within such an operating system. So, these three great lessons help me become a better person. They help me become more selfless. They help me be better and do better. And I hope to carry that torch and practice the lessons in my remaining days with the chance that I too can pass them to those who cross my path.
So then, have I now come to the end my friend? Is that what you are asking? The answer is no. Why? Because at the end of the day, or a lifetime, what is a dad’s true role? What is a dad’s responsibility to his children? To his son? Beyond providing the basics for survival; food, shelter, and protection. Shouldn’t the responsibility of a dad to a son be to teach him how to be a man? To teach him and show him, what it means to be a man? I don’t want jump down the rabbit hole and to flesh out a debate on what it means to be a man, I just want to share what I learned from my dad.
First and foremost, I learned that it’s not about being the bigger and the badder or rougher and tougher. It’s not who can fight better, win more, or make more. None of that makes you any more of a man.
What it means to be a man is to suit up and show. Be responsible, be accountable, and be honest. Do what you say and say what you mean. Lead by example and walk your talk. And, if you fall down on that walk, don’t worry; It’s ok to make mistakes. Don’t sweat the little things just Get up and dust yourself off. Learn and try harder next time. And if trying harder lands you in fourth place? Don’t expect a trophy! There are only three spots at the podium, no participation award. If you didn’t make it, work harder & keep trying to do better.
Maybe the greatest lesson of being a man that my dad taught me is this; real men don’t eat quiche! OK, just kidding, it’s How to be a husband.
Did you think I was going to say how to be a dad? Makes sense if you did, but let tell you why that is number two; if I didn’t learn to be a good husband I might have never become a dad. Sure, I might have become a father, but probably not a dad.
I still feel there is more to process here. Why don’t we meet again?
Stay tuned…
Talk Soon,
Kevin W @LEAP272
Owner-Operator
You have to leap if you want to live
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